


I'm Not Supposed to Love You Anymore

by Tigerlily89



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:45:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2418965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigerlily89/pseuds/Tigerlily89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Hunter leaves, Ben and Michael fall apart...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Supposed to Love You Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a song by Bryan White.

Michael sat alone at Woody's. The guys were all at Babylon, but he hadn't felt like going with them. Actually, he hadn't been to Babylon since he and Ben had broken up. A tear slipped from his eye and he angrily brushed it away. He hated himself for letting Ben leave, for agreeing when Ben had said it was over. It didn't have to end this way. He'd thought their relationship was stronger than that. He loved Ben more than anything, even more than he loved Brian. A humorless laugh escaped his lips. He never though he'd get over Brian, but Ben was the one man who could steal his heart from his best friend. Now he didn't have either of them. He wasn't in love with Brian anymore, but now he'd lost the man he truly loved...

The karaoke book passed by his table and he flipped through it idly, remembering the time he's sang on stage here to prove his love to Ben. He came across a song, and the words fit his mood so perfectly that he decided to sing it.

Ben walked into Woody's and took a seat at the bar. The bartender brought him a drink and he smiled gratefully. He wondered to himself why he came here anymore, there were too many memories. He remembered the time that Michael had gone up on stage to sing, just to prove how much he really cared.

Ah, Michael, just the thought of his ex-lover brought tears to Ben's eyes. How could he have said those things to him? He'd made the biggest mistake of his life the day he told Michael that he wanted to break up. He'd been so hurt that the other man didn't seem to miss Hunter as much as he did. He realized now that Michael was just trying to be strong, and go on with their lives. They had both loved the teen, but they couldn't have stopped him from leaving. Now here he was, alone.

He never went to Babylon anymore, and rarely came to Woody's. He was so afraid that he'd run into one of the gang, and he knew they all hated him for leaving Michael like he had. He hated himself for it, but it was too late to change anything. It had been three months since he left the man he loved, would always love, but he couldn't change it. Now all he could do was stay out of his way, and let him get on with his life.

The music changed and Michael took the stage as the first notes of the song began. "This song is dedicated to my ex, Ben." he said, and then he began to sing.

We agreed that it was over  
Now the lines have all been drawn  
The vows we made began to fade but now they're gone  
Put your pictures in a shoebox  
And my gold ring in a drawer  
I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Now Sherry says she's jealous  
Of this freedom that I've found  
If she were me, she would be out on the town  
And she says she can't imagine  
What on earth I'm waiting for  
I'm not supposed to love you anymore

He put everything he was feeling into the song, thinking of Ben and the love that he still felt for him. He thought of how much he missed waking up to his kiss and falling asleep every night in his arms.

Oh I shouldn't care or wonder where and how you are  
But I can hide this hurt inside my broken heart  
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before  
'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Ben almost chocked on his drink when he recognized the voice that was singing. He whipped around in his seat to see Michael, eyes closed, putting his heart and soul into the song he was singing. He listened more closely to the lyrics and his eyes filled with tears. He still loved him.

Now I'm writing you this letter  
And it's killing me tonight  
That I agreed when you believed it wasn't right  
And I couldn't sleep up on the bed  
So I'm down here on the floor  
Where I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Michael though about how he hadn't slept in their bed since the night Ben left. He always slept on the couch, or on the floor in their room. But mostly he just stayed out of the room all together. It hurt too much to move anything, so he'd just left everything as it was. Some of Ben’s things still littered the floor and the top of the dresser. Things that he'd forgotten when he left.

Oh I shouldn't care and wonder where and how you are  
But I can hide this hurt inside my broken heart  
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before  
'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore  
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before  
'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore 

But the time the song came to a close, Ben had unconsciously made his way to the front of the crowd. His heart was beating frantically, every fiber of his being hoping that maybe he and Michael weren't really over. That maybe there was still a chance to work it all out.

When he'd finished singing Michael opened his eyes to the crowd's applause. He smiled sadly, until his brown eyes locked with achingly familiar blue ones. Ben. Standing there, smiling, his gaze intense. He walked off the stage and his feet automatically carried him to stand in front of the man he loved.

"Michael," Ben whispered softly, his hand coming up to gently cup his cheek.

Michael leaned into the touch, the small contact sending tremors through his body. Suddenly they were wrapped around each other, Michael's face buried in Ben's strong chest, and Ben's face buried in Michael's dark hair.

Ben murmured words of apology, kissing the top of the shorter man's head and clutching him close. Michael just kissed his chest, holding him as closely as possible.

Ben moved back slightly to lift Michael's face up so that he could look him and the eyes. "I love you, I love you so much Michael, and I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Michael smiled. "I love you too Ben, forever," he said softly. He leaned forward, closing his eyes expectantly. Ben didn't disappoint him. Within seconds he'd captured his lips in a deep earth shattering kiss. They didn't know how long they stood there, lips locked together, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that they had each other.

"Can we go home now?" Michael asked when they finally pulled apart.

"Home," Ben mused. "I like the sound of that."

The two of them walked, arms wrapped around each other, out the door of the bar. They both knew that they would be okay, as long as they were together.


End file.
